im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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