I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
