there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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