I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
her vagine was all disorganized.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize