What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
