I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
