when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Randomize
