My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
