he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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