found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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