remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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