when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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