We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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