i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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