dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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