As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
