Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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