She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
