Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
