i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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