If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
