I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
