It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize