I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
