Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
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