somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
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