So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
