dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
