I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
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