Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
