Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize