Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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