I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
