Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
