and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
