Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
