my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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