I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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