he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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