I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
