My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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