i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
