I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
