Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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