I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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