I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
