Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
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