other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize