He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Fuck me I smell like cheese
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize
