she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
