This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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