She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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