he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
