1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
