You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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