Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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