walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
