My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
