I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
