I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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