You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I cut my penus on the lid.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
