Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Mom said you looked used
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize
