So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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