is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
