if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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