Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
