O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Randomize
