you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
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