please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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