She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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