You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
